Hello folks!

This month’s blog is about obtaining views, wishes and feelings.

Historically, people with disabilities have often found it very difficult to have their voices heard- particularly people with learning disabilities. Very often momentous decisions were made on their behalf with little consultation, such as where they live, and how much independence they were afforded.

Although there is still a lot of progress to be made, there have been great strides in recent times in terms of people with disabilities having more say on how they lead their own lives. The views and opinions of people with disabilities are now fully incorporated into the services they receive.

If you are working in social care or social work, one of the most important parts of your job will be obtaining the views, wishes and feelings of the people you are working for. And if you are working with people with disabilities, this can sometimes be a difficult task.

If you are a parent or carer, it is most likely that you know your son or daughter better than anyone else, particularly in how they choose to communicate. But it can still sometimes be difficult to get them to open up about what they want (any parent of a teenager will know this well….)

I have learnt from experience that sitting down opposite somebody and asking them a series of questions is not always a fruitful way of gathering meaningful information. So here are some suggestions and ideas that might help you when speaking to somebody about their views, wishes and feelings.

Let people lead
You’ve sat down with somebody to get a contribution to their review or meeting. But they don’t want to talk about their review, they want to talk about going to the racing at TT week. Don’t try to steer the conversation back. You can get all the information you need from a chat about TT week.
▪ how they’d like to get there
▪ who they’d like to go with
▪ what they would like to eat when they get there
▪ what their favourite things about TT week is
▪ they’ve been allowed to talk about what they want to talk about, and you’ve gathered a whole heap of useful information about their likes, dislikes, favourite people etc.

You’re not in charge!
Always remember, it’s not about you! You might have a whole heap of things that you want to talk about, an agenda of items you want to go through, a set list of information you want to gather. It’s good to be prepared, but be prepared to throw all of that away if needed, and concentrate on whatever is playing out in front of you.

Slow it down
As with everything, slow it right down. Don’t fill the silence with chatter. If you have asked a question, give somebody the space and time to answer. Be aware that the person you are talking with may need some more time to process what is happening. So don’t second guess what someone is about to say, or finish their sentence for them. Take your time and give people the space they need.

Emotion in motion
A car or bus journey, or a walk are brilliant places to have a chat with somebody. The pressure is off. Remember back to that time when you were in a meeting or supervision, and you were asked to talk about something. Something personal. Or something relating to a thing that you got wrong or didn’t do well. Or even something that you did really well and are being asked to reflect upon.

It can at times feel stressful. You feel that you are being watched, and judged by your comments (which are then written down and stored forever…) It is tempting to come up with perfunctory answers and shift the focus away from you as quickly as you can.

But then think about the time when you’re driving away from that meeting or supervision with your colleague. That’s when the real chat happens. That’s when you say what you really think.

Because the chat is of secondary importance (the journey is the primary motive of what’s happening), it means you can relax. You don’t have to make eye contact; you don’t have to maintain a constant flow of conversation. It works. Things will always flow more easily. This will always work with the service users you are with. So get moving.

Record everything
If you’ve asked somebody what they most like about school, or their short breaks, or whatever it is, and they have replied with who their favourite Marvel superhero is, it doesn’t matter. Make sure to record it anyway. Otherwise, you are deciding what is important to that person and what isn’t. Remember again, you’re not in charge. You should always try to avoid cherry-picking the information presented to you.

Be prepared to advocate
Many people that you work with will have difficulty with expressing themselves. Disability, mental health, drug abuse or dementia can all have a significant impact on a person’s ability to communicate. And many may not have a full understanding of what is being asked of them.

Asking for thoughts and feelings is very difficult. it’s an abstract concept. So there is nothing wrong in advocating for someone on their behalf. Especially if they struggle to advocate for themselves. If you have observed that someone really seems to love swimming, record it and then present it. If you have observed that someone seems to respond well to a certain staff member, record it and then present it. If you observe that somebody gets agitated doing a certain task, again record it and present it. As long as you record that as your observation and opinion, it’s all good.

Use different mediums
Sitting someone down at a table, and asking them questions, might get you nothing. But giving them an i-pad or smartphone, or a piece of paper and some felt tips, might get you a lot. Lots of people I know really struggle to tell you what they want through talking but feel very comfortable using other ways. Find the way that works for that person. Makaton and BSL are very useful tools to have, and remember, you really don’t need to be fluent in either- and the more you use them, the more fluent you will get. Signs of Safety tools such as the ‘Three Houses’ or the ‘Dram House’ are also very good ways to get people to open up.

Just be with someone
I am too often guilty of clunky gear-shifts when trying to obtain opinions, wishes and feelings. We too often try to get to the ‘business in hand’ of asking questions. Try to avoid doing this. Play some games, do a bit of artwork, utilise Intensive Interaction. Just sit- and wait. You will find the conversation opening up before you, and you’ll get the information you need in a much more natural way.

Ask lots of times, and be wary of what you write down
Sometimes I really like socialising with my friends. Other times I’m much happier on my own. Both are completely valid. People are allowed to have different opinions and thoughts and feelings. People grow and change constantly. An opinion that someone expressed a month ago, or even an hour ago, may be completely different to the one they have now. Listening to people, and responding to people, is a constantly evolving process.

Make sure to connect with someone and gather their thoughts more than once. Think of it this way. Someone tells you one day that they don’t like swimming. But what they really might be saying is that they don’t like swimming today. But their comment has now been recorded, and then shared and added to a care plan. And there you go, that person doesn’t get to go swimming again. So be wary of what you write and be prepared to constantly review it.

Look for the meaning
Someone has told you they really like swimming. Try to look for the reason behind that. What do they like about it? Is it the social aspect. Is it the joy of burning energy. Is it the freedom the water gives to an aching body. Is it because they know it means they won’t have to have a shower later on! Does it sooth their autistic brain when they’re under water. Think what lies behind it. Don’t be afraid to be creative in your thoughts. But then also realise that there may not be a definitive reason behind it, or the reason may be different every time. They may just like swimming….

http://www.northamptonshirescb.org.uk/social-care/signsofsafety/signs-safety-toolkit/

https://www.intensiveinteraction.org/